Background Exercises No. 2

This was originally posted on the comments section of BSNYC. This blog seems like a fitting place for it to live. These are all from bikesnob's first year, so if your new to the site these must read classics will help get you up to speed.

So here it is, my own personal best of BSNYC's first year. This is a great time to Brush up on your BS readings during the Snob's summer recess.

(note some of these are repeats from Background Exercise No. 1, but they are worth reading again)

Worst of NYC Craigslist Bike Ads, #1s

seven signs of fixed gear apocalypse

seven signs of fixed gear apocalypse

five reasons i hate being cyclist

six signs you may be missing entire point of cycling

five grounds for immediate equipment reappropriation

bsnyc add time capsule

put up or be quiet would you still ride?

2008 dream bike shootout

black monday aerospoke crisis

fixedgeargallery of dogged determination"aka the Kludgie"

its all in details screw your bike

bsnyc product review-no holds barred

bsnyc fixed gear apocalypse-watch: The PistaDex

genuine article reporting on fixed gear phenomenon

gilding lily building better bike

hiding in plain sight why cycling is the world's more popular underground activity

purloined letter ball to hed

Background Exercises, No. 1

It's been stated before that this reference blog exists solely as a public service for the education of the witless individuals unaware of the BikeSnobNYC evolution. Indeed, it has been nigh three and fifty fortnights since the inaugural post, and yet questions still arrive with growing frequency. Therefore, in order to fulfill another 15 minutes of community service I've compiled a few archetypal RTMS posts. These "classics" contain some basic background information -

It's All in the Details* Thursday, June 21, 2007.
The BSNYC Aesthetic is born; basic cycling faux pas are characterized; Pie Plate fatwa initiated.

Seven Signs of the Fixed-Gear Apocalypse Thursday, June 28, 2007.
"And when the Lamb had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour"... and then Vespas were purchased. (Revelation 8:1).

Five Reasons I Hate Being a Cyclist Monday, July 2, 2007.
Typical classic Snob - before he jumped the snark.

This Just In: Deep-Section Rims Provide Excellent Opportunity for Self-Expression! Thursday, April 10, 2008.
AYHSMB!

Time and tide wait for no man.
-Geoffery Chaucer

IOJB - The Ironic Orange Julius Bike

via k-wall blog

There's a specific tool for every job - every cyclist knows this.

It's an egregious faux pas to run your crabon fibre Cervélo on your four mile (30km) commute, or to slay some firetrails without at least 100mm of "squish". However, due to the present state of the world, one can now practice such flagrant offenses by using the Umbrella of Irony. The IOJB is the embodiment of this idea, due to the fact that, seriously, nobody goes to Orange Julius. Snob himself stated that he owns the IOJB due to his/her "soft spot for soft drink tribute bikes", not that he actually goes to Orange Julius.

When it comes down to it, the IOJB is just an idea, since only Snob knows the true nature of his bike. Much like the frequent donning of the Chicken Suit, the IOJB is a literary device straddled often to maintain anonymity. It's not known if it is even orange in color. However, it does have fenders (to defend against goose leavings), which leads me to believe that there exists some eyelets of practicality in the orange seatstays of irony.

The birth of Frilly

Anonymous said...
Commiecanuk,I'm with you...a wink is sexy & fun, there is nothing sexy or fun about a semi-colon.

BGW,You have no idea how naughty the talk can be when its just the chicks.
May 9, 2008 3:50 PM

Commiecanuk said...
oh yes we do..we know exactly what they talk about when together behind closed doors stripped down to frilly underwear and having pillow fights.

Believe me, a LOT of thought is put into that.
May 9, 2008 3:54 PM

Rock/Rub/Slay/Palp…

Fixed gear bikes, especially when away from their traditional venue (the velodrome, for those of you new to the scene), often have wheels built up with a set of Velocity Deep V rims. Ask the next hipster you see on a fixie what kind of rims he or she “has” on his or her bike, and you will most likely be told that he or she is “rocking” some sweet non-machined candy-colored Deep Vs that really tie the bike’s colorway together. Why does he or she not just “own” or “have” a set of Deep Vs? Because that would be too easy. Anyone can get on craigslist, find a set of rims, meet up with the seller, haggle a little bit, and then return home as the proud owner of a new used set of rims. You see, by “rocking” the rims, you imply way more than ownership. It’s a way of saying that your style/method of using said rims is fucking awesome, or righteous. The Rub/Slay/Palp phenomena are extensions of the concept. Slaying a freestyle session is an exiting way to describe a boring event. Consider the following 2 scenarios:
1. Imagine an undernourished effeminate hipster walking up to Frilly and starting a conversation with: “Hey baby, me and the crew are heading over to an empty parking lot to ride our bicycles in circles, sometimes lifting the front wheel off the ground. Wanna join?”
2. Imagine the same dude walking up to Frilly saying: “Hey baby, we’re about to slay a wicked fixstyle session with Prolly’s crew at the other end of the silk route. Wanna join?”
Now, any aversion to the whole fixter scene notwithstanding, which line do you think is most likely to get Frilly to not think that dude is a douche? The funny thing is, were those two scenarios, along with the ensuing session, to be filmed in a 1920s silent movie style, they would be exactly the same. Same characters, same plot, slightly different words would pop up on the screen every now and then, but that’s just post-production.
Basically rock/rub/slay/palping is just a way for people who follow trends to make what they do sound a little less ordinary. Like calling a stupid Chinese character tattoo body art.

Robert Mackey

As described in his new york times column (http://theclimb.blogs.nytimes.com/), “Rob Mackey is a 41-year-old Web journalist and novice cyclist, who signed up to ride L'Etape du Tour, the single stage of the Tour de France open to amateurs, before he really thought it through.” El Snoberino blogged about said attempt, lamenting about the lack of due-paying by Mr. Mackey. See: http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-not-about-riding-cycling-blogging.html, among others. Basically, Mackey, like hipster fixters who decided one day to take up fixed gear riding, or bankers who drop thousands on top of the line bikes and coaching, represent the desire of certain people to get to the results without really having to go through a painful learning curve. Like the asshole who drives down the clear turn lane and cuts you off at the end of it in order to continue going straight without having to wait in line like everybody else. Or the person who refers to this blog instead of reading all past BSNYC posts.

I believe (and I may be wrong, as usual) that Snobby’s disapproval is not directed specifically at Mr. Mackey (he has said many times that as long as people are riding they’re ok), but rather uses Mackey as an example of a disturbing social trend. The man has turned into a symbol. He lives on forever in our insults of snob noobs.

SNOB NOOB

Wednesday

Wednesday...

The best day of the week. If you enjoy lounging, goldbricking, and various other underachievement-related activities - this is your day. The capstone of any successful "Wednesday" is the BSNYC/RTMS Afternoon Recreation Kit.

When used correctly, The Kit will simultaneously relieve all duty-related stresses and make food taste awesome. Just be sure to palp your Lounging Smock.

RTMS

The question most often asked by people unfamiliar with the rich history of the snob is:
What does RTMS stand for?
That question is more complex than they realize. Much more complex. It started innocently enough, but throughout the years has taken a life of its own. The best, if not necessarily accurate, answer came to us from legendary commenter Wes: Read The Many Scripts. For it is one thing to know what it stands for, but a different thing to understand what it stands for. To achieve a state of full understanding, one must spend many Wednesdays naked in front of a computer screen (that’s just how I imagine Frilly reads BSNYC) rummaging through endless posts, following many a link, and reading innumerable comments by douchebags such as myself. In this fast paced world, a simple rip thorn's torn’s mug shot might suffice, but to the true believer it embodies a philosophy, a way of life, a tao of snobbery, if you will. It is both a journey and a destination, a mean and an end…
Don’t be a Mackey: do your research, study.

Hello, and welcome

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome to the only BSNYC-related blog approved by the people who approve of BSNYC. We are the people who have taken it upon themselves to police our beloved snob’s comments page. Due to never ending questions related to the blog specific slang of the snob, we have decided to provide this PSB (public service blog) to the masses. As any great domestique is nothing without the glory of his team leader, the only reason for this blog’s existence is the man(?) who calls him(her?)self BSNYC.
If you enjoy his blog, you may like this one also. If you don’t enjoy his blog, well: AYHSMB. Hopefully, this blog will evolve over the next few weeks into something that actually has a use. That will depend greatly on the amount of help I get from my fellow commenters.